Horsepower Rankings: Martinsville

1. Dale Earnhardt Jr.  Junior’s Darlington colors are the coolest one-off paint scheme in the history of the sport. If you can’t appreciate the Mountain Dew racing stripes you need to stop reading this column right now.

2. Jeff Burton  Let’s call Burton 1a., as he nearly scored his second straight win last weekend and sits atop the point standings. By the way Jeff, ease up on the McDowell kid. Dude’s got one race under his belt. He’ll learn.

3. Greg Biffle  Martinsville isn’t one of Biffle’s better tracks, as evidenced on Sunday but he’ll be back at Texas. This week’s new nickname suggestion: ‘Tex’, although the 10-gallon hat look doesn’t suit him. Or anyone for that matter.

4. Kyle Busch  When he’s good, he’s very, very good. When he’s bad he makes life difficult for everyone.

5. Kevin Harvick  The strength of this team was on display last weekend, as the car was junk early but wound up 12th. I’m sure he had a problem with Michael McDowell too, but they usually don’t interview the 12th-place finisher.

6. Carl Edwards  If it’s not a blown engine, it’s a dry gas tank. If it’s neither, it means you can find him in victory lane.

7. Tony Stewart  Hair on Stewart’s head now matches hair on Stewart’s back.

8. Jeff Gordon  Given five more laps, Gordon would be the man we’re talking about this week.

9. Clint Bowyer  Finished 10th at Martinsville and dropped three spots in the standings. Life’s tough at the top.

10. Denny Hamlin  Perseverance. Hamlin and crew hung tough during early-season woes and finally hit paydirt at Denny’s home track.

11. Matt Kenseth  Kenseth's supposed robot-like personality short circuits at Martinsville.

12. Brian Vickers  Vickers was bit by the fuel bug, settling for 23rd after running top 5 late at Martinsville. No truth to the rumor that Vickers is teaching his teammate what “cool” facial hair looks like these days.

13. Kurt Busch  Overheating problems at Martinsville? Some ice cold Miller Lite should take care of that. (Kurt will be thrilled with the sponsor plug … I even slipped ‘ice cold’ in there.)

14. Ryan Newman  Add ‘Tex’ to Newman’s hit list. Right behind Juan Pablo.

15. (tie) Jimmie Johnson  “Hey Chad, since Junior is running that old-school Mountain Dew paint scheme at Darlington, think we could break out the old Piedmont Airlines look?”

15. (tie) Martin Truex Jr.  Obviously taking notes from Tony Stewart on how to handle media questions concerning contract negotiations.

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