Like Loch Ness Monster sightings and countless scenes in Remember the Titans, reports of champagne toasts among members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins are greatly embellished. A couple of guys might have gathered once or twice on their own to celebrate their team’s place in NFL immortality, but there are no annual gatherings when the league’s last undefeated team bites the dust.

“There have never been any get-togethers,” Don Shula, who coached those Dolphins to a 17-0 record and Super Bowl VII championship, told the Miami Herald in early December. “There’s never been any big celebration or sitting around hoping and praying that last undefeated team gets beat.”

Be that as it may, the 2009 Indianapolis Colts will not match the ’72 Dolphins for full-season perfection, nor will they equal the 2007 Patriots with a 16-0 regular-season mark. Coach Jim Caldwell pulled many of his starters in the third quarter Sunday and the Jets dealt Indy its first loss of the season, 29-15.

The Jets’ win did more to help their cause than it did to hurt Indy’s. A week after being declared dead in the water by their own coach, the Jets are guaranteed an AFC wild card if they beat the Bengals in their finale. The Colts, meanwhile, may someday regret surrendering their shot at perfection, and if they don’t win the Super Bowl they will be second-guessed to death for taking the rest-’em route rather than the stay-sharp-but-risk-injury approach. But Caldwell has to rest easier knowing Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and others will live to play another day.

Even with the loss, Manning’s day did not go as poorly as his brother’s. Eli Manning and the Giants got smacked from postseason consideration with a brutally lopsided 41-9 loss to Carolina. The Colts might not make it to the Super Bowl, but at least they still have a chance.

Here’s how Athlon stacks all 32 teams through 16 weeks of the NFL season.

1. Indianapolis (14-1). If Jim Caldwell is to be vindicated, it won’t happen until Feb. 7.

2. San Diego (12-3). If the Chargers’ regulars ride the pine this week and San Diego doesn’t win the Super Bowl, will Norv Turner be in the crosshairs, too? Of course. Isn’t he always?

3. New Orleans (13-2). With the top NFC playoff seed locked up, the Saints can rest their starters as well. But after that disaster against Tampa Bay, they have some rough edges they might want to polish.

4. Philadelphia (11-4). With Brian Westbrook back, the Eagles have an embarrassment of offensive riches.

5. Green Bay (10-5). The Packers’ O-line is no longer a punch line.

6. Minnesota (11-4). All of a sudden, the Vikings have lost three of four and could find themselves playing that first playoff weekend.

7. Dallas (10-5). A win over Philly in their finale would have the Cowboys peaking rather than choking down the stretch for a change.

8. Cincinnati (10-5). The Bengals finally clinched the AFC North, but they’re playing like a team that really could use a first-round bye, which they won’t get.

9. Arizona (10-5). Kurt Warner now has 100 TD passes with each of two teams (Arizona and St. Louis), a feat previously achieved by only Fran Tarkenton. And the Rams were there to see it.

10. New England (10-5). The Patriots finally are playing like a team that maybe, just maybe, can play with the likes of Indy and San Diego in the playoffs.

11. Pittsburgh (8-7). The Steelers can unleash all the hell they want in Miami, but they’ll still need help to make the playoffs.

12. Baltimore (8-7). The Ravens made so many mistakes against the Steelers, I’m surprised they showed up at the right stadium to begin with.

13. Denver (8-7). Brian Dawkins’ return to Philly wasn’t quite what he had envisioned.

14. New York Jets (8-7). The Jets went from playoff afterthoughts (Rex Ryan’s, that is) to controlling their own destiny in one week.

15. Houston (8-7). The Texans still have a shot at their first-ever playoff berth.

16. Atlanta (8-7). Tony Gonzalez needs four catches to become the first tight end with 1,000 career receptions, and only the seventh player overall.

17. Tennessee (7-8). Considering the playoff dream didn’t die until Week 16 after an 0-6 start, the Titans can’t feel too bad.

18. Carolina (7-8). The way Matt Moore has been playing, the Panthers have to be kicking themselves for investing all that money in Jake Delhomme a year ago.

19. New York Giants (8-7). The Giants’ swan song at Giants Stadium could not have been more pathetic.

20. Jacksonville (7-8). If the way the Jaguars played against New England is any indication of how they would do in the playoffs, there’s not much point in figuring out the combinations by which they could get there.

21. Miami (7-8). Nothing against Chad Henne flinging it 55 times in one game, but the Dolphins were more fun to watch when Ronnie Brown was healthy and the Wildcat was befuddling opponents.

22. San Francisco (7-8). OK, everyone who thought last summer that Alex Smith-to-Vernon Davis would be one of the league’s top quarterback-to-tight end combos in the NFL this season, stand up. Anyone?

23. Cleveland (4-11). And can anyone honestly say they saw a three-game Browns winning streak coming?

24. Chicago (6-9). If you tuned in to Monday Night Football and didn’t know better, you’d swear Jay Cutler has Pro Bowl potential.

25. Oakland (5-10). Hmm, a loss to the Browns a week after beating Denver. Yes, that’s the Raiders team we’ve come to know and disdain.

26. Buffalo (5-10). Terrell Owens has caught passes from the likes of Steve Young, Donovan McNabb and Tony Romo over the years. And No. 1,000 came from the one, the only, Brian Brohm.

27. Tampa Bay (3-12). I’m not sure which is more amazing — the Bucs’ upset of the Saints, or the fact that a healthy Cadillac Williams was a big part of it.

28. Washington (4-11). One more game and Jim Zorn can be taken out of his misery.

29. Seattle (5-10). “I’m searching for answers,” Matt Hasselbeck said after throwing four interceptions for the second consecutive game. “I wish I had a good one.” Here’s one: Time’s up.

30. Kansas City (3-12). A small consolation in the Chiefs’ latest loss was that it wasn’t Larry Johnson lighting them up.

31. Detroit (2-13). You know that candy bar commercial where the guy wonders where his hunger goes? Doesn’t look like it goes to Detroit.

32. St. Louis (1-14). The Rams can’t be faulted for a lack of hunger. Just a lack of talent.

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