Extra Points: Week 14

FIRST THE LOSS TO PITT, AND NOW THIS
As if being a nerdy little punter doesn’t give an NFL player enough of a complex, Todd Sauerbrun — coming out of West Virginia University and all — has a lot to live up (or is it down?) to. After all, it’s been an impressive list of Mountaineer miscreants lately — Pac Man Jones, Chris Henry, Jerry Porter — and the Denver kicker apparently wants his rightful place on it.

To earn his (possibly prison) stripes, Sauerbrun was cited with assault of a cabbie and hauled to a detox holding cell. Maybe he was still drowning his sorrows from the sauer grapes over his silly smack two weeks earlier when he boasted about being unafraid to kick to Devin Hester. We know how that turned out: The Bears phantasm took one of Sauerbrun’s punts AND one of his kickoffs to the house, with Todd falling down twice trying to tackle him.

That gaffe followed a messy contract imbroglio with the Patriots...which followed a missed flight and workout in 2006...which followed a suspension for a banned stimulant...which followed his linkage to a steroid investigation...which followed a guilty plea to a DUI...which followed a revoked drivers license...which followed an incident with the Panthers in which he refused to kick unless he was reimbursed for fines incurred for being overweight.

Roger Goodell, have fun with this one.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE?
Dallas Morning News writer Calvin Watkins attended T.O.’s 34th birthday party on December 3. So did, he reported, Serena Williams, Kevin Frazier of “Entertainment Tonight,” Michelle Williams (Destiny’s Child), Jamie Foxx, models Claudia Jordan and Melyssa Ford, former Miss USA Kenya Ford, Jill Marie Jones (“Girlfriends”) and Brandy.

The evening’s festivities included a charity auction for needy families that Foxx hijacked and wheedled big bucks out of the guests, including safety Roy Williams, who coughed up 50 grand for a weekend in Vegas. Tony Romo was there, too, but sans Jessica Simpson, with whom (says the tittle-tattle) he connected on a curl pattern over Thanksgiving weekend.

BUMP AND RUN
Extra Points’ recurring installment of slapdash observation and imprudent opinion:

Who would have believed the same Reggie Bush “video game” we saw at USC would conclude his first two seasons in the NFL having carried the ball 312 times without a rush longer than 22 yards? Inexplicable.

Fewest points scored in a game by either the Patriots or Cowboys this season: 24. Number of times the Falcons and 49ers have scored 24 points: once each.

Only one team will have no room under the salary cap in 2008 based on current commitments: the Redskins, who are projected to be almost $21 million OVER.

“Loafs.” To your wife, they’re what a running back is staring at when his o-line gets into position for the snap. To us manly men, they’re a stat that Lions coach Rod Marinelli has his staff chart from tape on Mondays, logging each time a player fails to hustle.

QUOTABLE
“I love the kid and I love his energy. But you throw the snow up one time you may get away with it, but three times, I don’t know. I question, though, whether, that’s a prop. It’s natural; snow comes from the sky.” — Broncos teammate John Lynch commenting on Floridian Brandon Marshall, who tossed three handfuls of snow into air after catching a TD pass.

“This is like playing Pop Warner football and drinking Kool-Aid and eating Pop Tarts.” — Marshall on his enjoyment of the game.

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