A Naked Bootleg and Six-Fig Newton

Welcome to Sports Lite, everybody. Just so you know, I’m giving 110 percent and taking it one paragraph at a time. …

Nothing says office Christmas party like cash bar, and nothing says Big East like Texas Christian. What, the British Premier League didn’t extend an invitation? …

These are the days in Madison, Wis., where the Badgers appear headed for the Rose Bowl and their second string is favored by six in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. …The Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman. Honey, on second thought, I’ll get right on that filthy garage. …

Word out of New York is that the Captain, Derek Jeter, is insulted by the Yankees’ three-year, $45-million offer. At least he was until he realized every other offer out there included free lessons in Japanese. …Jeter’s agent, Casey Close, says Jeter is the modern-day Babe Ruth. Um, C.C., do the words Boston Braves mean anything to you? …

This just in. Stud rookie Blake Griffin has been suspended by the Clippers for conduct detrimental to the team’s sucky image. …

Who knew? Shaq is playing his butt off for the Celtics. Next up on his agenda: playing one of his chins off. …

Cheer up, Bills fans. Sure, your boys fell to 2-9 Sunday, but at least Buffalo remains an attractive destination for CFL free agents. …

Now this is getting downright ridiculous. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell called Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan after Sunday’s brawl in Houston to congratulate them for no helmet-to-helmet hits. …

Trouble? Josh McDaniels isn’t in any trouble. All he needs is five straight wins to finish the season. And if that doesn’t work, might I suggest new bowling shirts for members of the Broncos’ press corps. …The Broncos admitted to videotaping part of a 49ers walkthrough before playing them in London. And then, just to make sure no one was wise to them, they got clobbered in the game. …

Coincidence? The same week the NFL is expected to disclose its findings in the Jenn Sterger fiasco, Brett Favre takes off on a naked bootleg to seal the Vikings’ win at Washington. …

Congrats to the BCS for getting it right. You heard me. Unless somebody comes up with 180,000 reasons in a brown paper bag why Auburn shouldn’t play for the national championship, the Tigers should be good to go against Oregon. …No really, I was just going to come up with this one, but some drunken blogger beat me to it: Cam “Six Fig’’ Newton. …

Erik Spoelstra is about to get toe tagged, but that’s only the half of it. Things are so bad for LeBron James and the Heat, people in Cleveland are telling Miami jokes. …That reminds me. The Heat play Thursday night in Cleveland. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert has moved his seat closer to the visiting bench in hopes of giving LeBron a wedgie.