Sports Lite

Let there be Sports Lite. …
Now this is getting downright ridiculous. First, the NFL bans its players from helmet-to-helmet hits on wide receivers. Now the league says players can’t hit on defenseless cheerleaders. …

The Broncos added a new dimension to their offense last weekend by implementing the Tim Tebow package. The Vikings, meanwhile, are hoping Roger Goodell doesn’t suspend Brett Favre’s package. …

If he gets bounced, Favre would become the first NFL player ever to miss a game because of an attempted pulled groin. …

Tebow, by the way, ran for a five-yard touchdown with the help of some key blocking by his 10 disciples. …

No really, I’m not making this up. Favre is the 28th-ranked passer in the league. On the plus side, he’s making some serious jackamundo for the old alimony fund. …

With the NFL trading deadline a few days away, the Raiders reportedly have put their entire roster up for sale. Hence, their new team slogan: Commitment to eBay. …

So far, all the Raiders have been offered is a seventh-rounder for the dude with the eye patch. Not that it’s all bad in the business department. An Elvis impersonator last week offered Al Davis 50 bucks for his wardrobe. …

With the race for the Cup winding down, NASCAR officials can’t figure out why TV ratings have been shaky at best. Um, because it’s NASCAR? …

Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner is kicking himself for not buying the Mariners before the trading deadline to make sure Cliff Lee would pitch in pinstripes. …

In case there was any doubt in your mind, Lee will be pitching for the Bronx Bombers next season. The Yankees also plan to purchase Venezuela and Puerto Rico to provide depth for their bullpen. …

Let me see if I’ve got this straight. The Yankees paid $82.5 million for A.J. Burnett? What would he have gotten if they actually wanted him to pitch? …

The Badgers hammered Ohio State, but Wisconsin fans weren’t happy last weekend. Why? They still have bar time in Madison. …

Give it a rest, all you Buckeye bashers. Terrelle Pryor isn’t overrated in the least. He just isn’t very good. Though, to be fair, he did hit Bucky Badger in stride on that one sideline route. …

Oh, before I forget, that poor sap reporter who Urban Meyer went Freddie Krueger on a few months ago asked me to mention something: Mississippi State 10, Florida 7. …

Giants lefty Madison Bumgarner has faced some tough questions from the media during the playoffs, including this one: Do you, like, have a brother named Tiffany? …

Ryne Sandberg apparently was bummed out that he didn’t get the Cubs’ manager’s gig. Um, Ryno? You might want to check out the last century of highlights at Wrigley Field. …

Having lost the Throes Bowl in Minneapolis to fall to 1-4, Cowboys coach Wade Phillips has switched to the run-and-hide offense.