The Greatest College Basketball Player Names

Someone needs to give this guy a Dairy Queen franchise, asap.

Try saying Qavotstaraj Waddell three times fast. Better yet, try saying it once...slowly.

On the bright side, his name isn't John Goldenshower.

If I had a rap name, it would be Spongey Benjamin.

I bet the timeline of what Austen Powers (the basketball player) though about his name went like this:

Before the movies came out: Didn't think about his name.

When the first movie came out: "It's cool that I have the same name as the character in this new Mike Myers movie!"

Three months after the first movie came out: "This isn't very cool."

Six months after the first movie came out: "If someone tells me something is "cheeky" one more time, I'm going to kill Mike Meyers."

When the third movie came out: "I'm going to kill myself." 

If you're going to be named after a plant, why opt for the bitter turnip? Why not aim a little higher and go for the redwood or even a oak.

I wonder if he's Greek.

There's something about this picture that says, "I am very angry that my name is Fats" to me.

Naming your kid after a deviant sex job and then spelling it wrong is almost as bad as doing it when you have Johnson as a last name. By the way, I'd like to introduce you to my son, Prastitoot Koch.

If this kid's last name is pronounced the way I think it's pronounced, then this is the greatest last name in the history of last names.

I bet this guy can spread the floor and drive to the hole. And I bet he can also play basketball.

This guy sounds like the best pizza place you've never heard of.

Try saying this guy's name without smiling. He's verbal prozac.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

You know you're name is trying a little too hard when it has both a dash and an apostrophe.

Yes, his name is God' Gift. And no, that's not going to look good on his resume when he needs to get a real job.

Sometimes you just love your last name so much, that you also make it your first name.

Before 9/11 I bet the kid's in his high school thought this name was kind of badass. After 9/11 I'm guessing that went from badass to asshole.

Do names get any better than this? (Short answer: No.) (Shorter answer: N.)

No list is complete without the classic God Shammgod.