Tailgating Tips

Lie, Cheat & Steal

Don't do any of these things in order to go to a tailgate. Instead, be honest with your family members and explain to them how important being there on time and being prepared means to you and to the team. If the game is at noon on Saturday and you need to be in the parking lot by 10:00 a.m., then skip those Saturday morning cartoons and be there.


Show your colors

Be passionate about your rivalries. Go out of your way to come up with funny banners that put down your foes.


Turn a Profit

Offer face painting or sell burritos like you are at a Grateful Dead Show.


Educate the Masses

Get a map of the United States. Distribute copies of your team's roster that lists all the players' hometowns. Place all the names of the players in a hat. Your tailgaters, after careful study, should be able to draw a player's name out of the hat and mark the hometown on the map. Do not display the map until game time (not the actual game time, but the educate-the-masses game time). This is a great way to learn more about your team and its individual players as well as learning our nation's geography.


Sing

Bring a karaoke machine. By the end of the tailgate you will be begging people to stop so that you don't pee on yourself from laughing so hard.


Levitate

Years of work, Eastern philosophy and meditative practice will allow you to open your mind and physically float. We don't have time for that. So bring a full-sized hammock with you to the tailgate. Secure the hammock to the roof racks of a couple of vehicles opposite each other. Be sure that you put the emergency brakes on.


Sir, step away from the vehicle

Always have a designated driver and be very nice to that person. Buy the designated driver gifts.


Blowing in the Wind

Wind is so in these days. I recommend decorating your tailgate area with pinwheels. They are fun and colorful. Get some of those giant bubble makers and let the wind do the blowing for you.


Bring a bike, socialite

If you have a bike rack on your car, bring your bike along. You will be able to ride around the parking lot(s) from tailgate to tailgate or shuttle to the port-o-lets that most stadiums set up these days. Needless to say, while you are in the game, lock the bike up.


Lights at Night
Give everyone who is a part of your tailgating team a glow stick of the same color. Have them attach it to their belt loop or wrist so that everyone is easy to find.

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