Here's a very complex flowchart to see if your college coach is cheating.
Whether it's Southern Cal, OSU or LSU, a head football coach or an assistant coach, bending the rules to land prized recruits is as much a part of the game as limber cheerleaders and beer funnels at tailgate parties. (And let's be honest, the NCAA rules are about as easy to understand as the fine print on your credit card application.) But if you're not sure if your alma mater is involved in cheating, we've devised this handy flowchart to help you determine if your college's ball coach is doing whatever it takes to win. Follow along carefully.
"Pool Cue" and "backside" are three words that shouldn't go together.
Oh the English. It all starts with a few pints with the lads and ends with someone getting a pool cue shoved up their ass. Understatement of the week: "It was a bit of horseplay that went seriously wrong."
The St. Louis Blues' Dennis Wideman takes himself out of the play with the world's worst penalty shot.
England Goalie Makes England Sad
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I wouldn't be surprised if this goalie was murdered by a raging mob of English soccer hooligans after this mistake. And then I wouldn't be surprised if his corpse was then re-murdered. And then taken to the pub for a pint.
Robin Ventura Vs Nolan Ryan
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Trying to beat up an old man doesn't have much upside. On one hand, if you beat up an old man, you kind of look like an asshole. But if you get your ass kicked by an old man, then instead of just being an asshole, you're an asshole who's also a wuss. Robin Ventura is an asshole who's also a wuss.
Vince Carter Dunks Over Giant
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Getting dunked on isn't that big of a deal. It happens all the time. But when you're a seven-foot Frenchmen who manages to get some testicles scraped over your face in addition to getting jumped over and dunked on, well, that's just not a good day for you.
Patrick Stefan Blows It
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The worst part about this play (aside from the whole thing, if you're Patrick Stefan), is that Stefan wasn't showboating. He was just being methodical, when the puck bounced at the worst possible moment, and then down the ice for a game-tying goal 10 seconds later.
Jim Marshall Runs The Wrong Way
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I'm actually surprised that this doesn't happen more often given the speed and violence with which NFL players fly across the field. The fact that it has only happened once, though, kind of makes this one stand out.
Chris Brass Own Goal
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This would be the greatest play in the history of soccer...if he played for the other team.
Who's Bell Is He Ringing?
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It's rare to get an embarrassing sports moment that doesn't involve a player. But I would say this one counts. (He's ringing a bell for all you dirty-minded folks.)
Goalie Fakes Himself Out
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I've watched this about 26 times so far today. It never, ever gets old.
He Wasn't Expecting That
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This is a lot like the video of Randy Johnson hitting the bird. Except in this video, the kid just gets knocked over, instead of exploding into a pile of feathers (thankfully.)
Joe Namath Enjoys Drinking
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This classic clip spawned a website (kissingSuzyKolber.com) and sent Broadway Joe to AA.
TO Cries It Out
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I've got no problem with crying in sports, but this was clearly a premeditated performance. TO had built up a track record of throwing quarterbacks under the bus (Garcia and McNabb). Now he wanted to show that he was a true teammate by breaking down for reporters over a loss. No one bought it and TO just looked like a chump.
Game Delay On The Ref
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We all make mistakes. But he then spends a full minute huddled with his crew only to come out and stutter and hiccup his way through this call.
Bill Buckner's It
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You know the Bill Buckner play we're talking about. Instead of showing it to you (and because we can't find the video) here's an insane Nintendo reenactment of the entire bottom of the ninth inning. If you've never seen it and you have nine minutes to kill, it's worth watching.
Chris Webber's Phantom TO
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With the game on the line, Chris Webber has the most infamous double brain fart in the history of sports. After he gets away with a walk, he makes sure he goes down in NCAA history by calling a timeout when he's out of timeouts. To make himself feel better, Webber signed a multi-million dollar contract a few months later.