Check out the shades, the colorful jacket, the giant red tennis racket and moon-sized tennis ball around the 18-time Grand Slam singles champion. Apparently cocaine was rampant among ad execs in the '80s.
New York Yankees
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We're pretty sure Mickey's YooHoo bottle wasn't filled with YooHoo.
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Hmmm... not so sure that tagline would work today.
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We apologize; really should have had a warning before this one. But yes, the Orioles Hall of Fame pitcher did help popularize the banana hammock.
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Nothing says bad-ass football player like shoulder pads, eye black and perfectly coiffed hair thickened by elegant mousse.
Mean Joe Greene
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Note how much the tailor is sweating. Apparently he got a good peek at Mean Joe's package.
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The Boz was a favorite target for fans’ animosity, but we all appreciated him in the cinematic achievement that was Stone Cold. He was better-equipped to fight in that movie than against Bo Jackson.
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Speaking of Bo, these Nike campaigns were huge. No jokes here; the guy was just an amazing athlete until the injuries started. He won a Heisman and played in the all-star game of both MLB and the NFL. And he did it all shirtless.
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The all-time steals leader is a tough act to follow on the diamond and with money quotes off the field. Former teammate Steve Finley to Rickey on a team flight: “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson to Finley: “Ten years? Rickey’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”
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Behold, the Golden Bear is rocking some white short-shorts. Can’t criticize the 18-time Major winner though; just going to blame the '70s.
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Speaking of old-school shorts that make you feel uncomfortable, everybody remembers a former football coach sporting these bad boys. At least the former Cowboys quarterback doesn’t have a mesh hat and gut like your high school coach.
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The former Braves owner and CNN founder is dubbed “Captain Outrageous” in this ad. Of course, he did once name himself manager for a day (a loss) before it was deemed to be in violation of MLB rules. Can you imagine Turner in a baseball uniform?
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Boom! Gotta love the former coach and broadcaster helping you out with car care. No doubt Brett Favre would have sponsored this as well if he had not been at Southern Miss at the time.
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Is anything more '80s than those Maverick-from-Top Gun pair of Ray-Bans? You know it’s been a few years when a player (called "Mr. May" by New York owner George Steinbrenner) had to leave the Yankees to win a World Series.
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Talk about an old-school ad. The former Oklahoma State and Dallas Cowboys running back was truly a cowboy, moonlighting in the offseason on the professional rodeo circuit.
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These old-school Converse shoes were classic in the 1980s, and Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were perfect pitchmen. Note just how ripped they both look.
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Yes kids, that old dude on the Kardashians was a big deal. Ironically, he's hocking cameras.
Smoking, Part Deux
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Camels were apparently it for the top players back in the day. So rich, so mild!
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Nothing says great dental hygiene like a pickup game in the park.
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You can almost hear the tennis great yelling at the photographer.
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Mr. October definitely stirred the drink in New York. How about the old-school electronics?
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The seven-time Grand Slam singles champion should be selling mustaches, not cameras.
These MLB players are making way more than their production.
Fans love it when their team signs a big-name free agent or locks up a current star, but too many times organizations pay for past accomplishment instead of future production. There are obviously some baseball superstars on this list, but unfortunately much is expected from those who have been compensated at the highest level. Here’s our look at the 10 worst contracts in major league baseball.
We love Fatheads. But we're getting a little tired of those same-old action shots. Instead, we're looking for something that inspires us and teaches us life-lessons. Life lessons such as: Don't be a dumbass.
John Daly: Before you head out for that next drinking binge, take a look at this fathead's Fathead. Back in 2008, the hard-partying golfer headed to Hooters and pounded so many sudsy brews that he passed out. Police let him sleep it off in a cell for 24 hours, but not before he donned this stunning orange shirt and offered up a look that says, "I just shit myself."
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Roger Clemens: The Rocket looks like a used car salesman in this perjury-induced mugshot from August 2010. We don't know if the pitching great lied to Congress about using steroids (wink, wink), but his Fathead serves to remind us of one thing: NEVER…EVER…get frosted tips on your hair.
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Ric Flair: To quote the Nature Boy himself: "Woooooooo!…I surrender." At least that's what he told North Carolina police back in 2005 after a road rage incident. He was later cleared of all charges, but not before flashing this wrestling-scarred face for the authorities. If nothing else, this Fathead will remind you, "Hey, maybe my job isn't so bad."
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Scottie Pippen: It's almost the next best thing to having a Michael Jordan mugshot on your wall. Almost. Pippen, a former Chicago Bulls star, was nabbed back in 1999 after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Charges we later dropped, but not before he flashed this "I'm so gonna beat this" smile for the police camera.
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Jim McMahon: No longer doing the "Super Bowl Shuffle,"—thank God—this one-time Bears QB was arrested in Florida in 2003 for driving without a decorative sweatband on his head. Oh, and for having a blood-alcohol level more than three times the legal limit. He pleaded no contest and got probation.
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Dwight Gooden: It's hard to narrow down our favorite Doc Gooden Fathead mugshot, but this one from Tampa, Fla., will do. Back in 2006, the former pitching phenom was arrested for violating his probation. (Insert gasp here.) We're pretty sure he was on double-secret probation, considering he's been busted for everything from DUI and evading arrest, to domestic violence and drugs. Of course, we would love to have him locked up for making his once-valuable rookie card as worthless as tits on a bullfrog.
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OJ Simpson: OK, so this Fathead may not be from an actual mugshot, but the former football star's face at the courthouse says a lot. Mostly it says, "Well, crap. I'm going to be convicted of robbery and kidnapping." The sentence was handed down by a Las Vegas jury in 2008. He was later sentenced to 33 years in jail. The moral? Karma's a bitch.
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Deion Sanders: Oddly, this booking photo looks just like our Match.com profile photo. It's uncanny. Seriously, have you ever seen anybody so happy to be arrested? Neon Deion's unconcern probably stems from the ridiculous charges he faced in June 1996 when Florida police napped him for trespassing. Apparently the then Dallas Cowboys star went fishing on a lake owned by a local airport, despite being warned by authorities.
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Plaxico Burress: This is a must-have Fathead, if only to remind you of this: don't put your loaded, unregistered Glock pistol in your sweatpants. Ever. That is, unless you want to shoot yourself, piss away millions of dollars and go to prison. Then, go crazy. The former New York Giants Fathead face says it all, "I can't believe I'm that dumb."
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Michael Vick: The former and (sort of) once-again NFL great struck this "My name Mike and I like long walks on the beach" pose in 2008 after facing charges surrounding his dogfighting ring. Since Vick wound up spending 21 months in the pokey, we're titling this Fathead: "Pissing away two prime years."
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Mike Tyson: The former heavyweight champ and face-tattoo lover was arrested in December 2006 on drunk driving and cocaine possession charges following a police stop outside an Arizona nightclub. He was sentenced to 24 hours in jail and a ton of community service. The moral? No clue, we just love the fact that Iron Mike is sticking his tongue out during his police booking photo.
Andre The Giant
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Andre The Giant: This Fathead is actual size. The 7-foot 4-inch, 540-pound wrestler was nabbed back in 1989 by the Linn County, Iowa sheriff's department for allegedly roughing up a cameramen who was filming his match after being warned not to. In case you're wondering, the real dumbass is the cameraman, but we just love looking at the giant's Martin Van Buren mutton-chop sideburns.
During this Maryland-NC State game, the referee decides to improvise and deviates just a bit from the official rule book. "Unnecessary roughness" or "late hit" or "unsportsmanlike conduct" normally work quite well.
Taking out the coach
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During this FSU-Wake Forest game last month, the ref knocks out the FSU coach as he pursues the play along the sidelines.
Vikings Player Runs Over Ref
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Percy Harvin is in the process of returning this kickoff for a touchdown, but one of his lead blockers wanted to make sure that no one would touch his return man.
Stephen Garcia gets tackled by ref
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Stephen Garcia was kicked off the South Carolina football team early in the 2011 season. Off-the-field issues aside, this is one reason he is no longer a Gamecock.
T.J. Duckett trucks a referee
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Old Michigan State Spartan workhorse running back TJ Duckett rumbles through the enitre defense - and referee crew to boot.
Penalty on everyone but the center
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This referee has way too many options and decides that they have all cheated. So he penalizes pretty much everyone - except the center of course.
NFL Ref crushes rams running back
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Sign him up! This ref throws a right elbow while tackling the Rams' Ken Darby. There are plenty of NFL teams that could use another quality tackler.
There is no "FLAG" for illegal formation
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This referee is trying to say that there is "no FLAG on the play for illegal formation, but it definitely does not come out right.
Ref gets face-planted by Bills player
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This ref ends up with a bloodied face after a Bills defender goes through him to get to the football. The poor zebra ends up landing right on his face.
Ed Hochuli can't get the call right
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One of the better refs in the game, Hochuli slips-up as he tries to call offsides on the defense. The announcers find it easy to make fun of the stocky official since he isn't anywhere near the booth, of course.
Ref hits lions player in the head
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As the official catches the football to spot the next play, he reaches out and accidentally smacks a Lions player right in the helmet.
One Confused Ref
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This ref starts to explain the call, then realizes he has no idea what he's talking about. After a brief conference with fellow refs, he returns just as confused.
Replacement ref costs team a TD
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Let's be honest, we could do a top 50 list just on the replacement refs. But no single blooper brings together the imcompetence of the replacements like this gem. Like a banana in Mario Kart, the ref throws his hat at Kevin Ogletree's feet, causing him to slip and most likely miss an easy TD pass.
To those in the ranks of the Paul Menard Empire, they are known as “‘Nard Burns.” How awesome are they? Legend has it they’re easily worth two-tenths at a road course and 10 horsepower at a plate track. Wolverine wishes he could grow chops so grand. With the flavor savor to boot, it’s a wonder he has but one Sprint Cup Series victory — the 2011 Brickyard 400 — but at least it’s one on par with the load-bearing chops.
by Vito Pugliese
9. LeeRoy Yarbrough: “The Presley”
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Not many fans today know who LeeRoy Yarbrough is. Had it not been for what may have been post-concussive injuries that were later explained away as Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Yarbrough would have undoubtedly won a championship or two. In 1969, he won the Daytona 500 by making up 11 seconds in 10 laps. He then won at Charlotte, lapping the field in the process, and passed David Pearson on the last lap to win the Southern 500, making him the first winner of NASCAR’s triple crown. In the process, he grew a pair of era-appropriate sideburns to match his Elvis-esque hair.
by Vito Pugliese
8. Richard Petty’s Fu Manchu
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Seven Daytona 500 victories? Check. Seven Cup championships? Check. 200 wins? Check. Ray Bans and a Fu Manchu? Check and Check. “The King” now sports a more demure lip appendage, but back in the early ’70s, his facial hair was as cutting edge as the wing on the back of his Plymouth Superbird.
by Vito Pugliese
7. Mark Martin’s Copstache
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People typically recognize Mark Martin for his commitment to physical fitness, nutrition and a buzz cut. However, there was a time back in the early 1980s when Martin sported some facial flash as well. He was running his own team at just 23 years of age and needed to look a little older as he was trying to find sponsorship. (Just what the hell was an Apache Stove anyway?) This photo is from his ASA days, although he went full-on ’stache from 1981-87 when he when made his way back to NASCAR.
by Vito Pugliese
6. Jeff Gordon: “The Wonderstache”
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I am still amazed that this was ever allowed to pass any sort of check and balance within any marketing department of any company, anywhere. This look came about when NASCAR was still kind of an underground sport, just beginning to pique the public’s interest. With all of the PR preparation and attention to detail for driver, car and crew you could imagine, Jeff Gordon was pre-packaged for primetime. Those in charge took a look at that beautiful flowing mullet and fuzzy muzzy and said, “Oh yeah, good to go … that’s the prototypical image for the racecar driver of the next millennium.” Gordon flirted with bringing it back for about a week when the 2012 Chase started, but then had to do a shoot with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so away it went. That, or he was scaring the children.
by Vito Pugliese
5. Ernie Irvan, Pre-Goatee
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It’s kind of hard not to like Ernie Irvan. The survivor of two near-death accidents within a five-year period, he remains true to what got him paid in the first place: that big cookie duster. Irvan wore an eye patch after nearly losing his sight – and life – in a crash during practice at Michigan in 1994. Couple the patch with the ’stache that he’s sported since he was welding up grandstands at Charlotte Motor Speedway, and he’s even that much more of a certifiable badass. There should be little question why Dale Earnhardt Sr. tapped him to drive his Busch car, which helped jumpstart Irvan’s career.
by Vito Pugliese
4. Tom Giacchi’s 19-month growth
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Carl Edwards’ motor coach driver, Tom Giacchi, thought it would be fun to help motivate Edwards to win a race by refusing to shave until he won. That was all well and good, but the joke was on Tom, as he had to wait through an agonizing streak of 52 races from November 2005 to June 2007. Edwards is currently in the midst of another winless drought, having last gone to Victory Lane in March 2011. This year had to be a trying one for Giacchi if the bet still stands. The way the 99 team has been running, he might be waiting until Vegas 2013. At least it’s almost winter, Tom.
by Vito Pugliese
3. Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s Chin Muffler
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When a man makes the conscious decision to grow a beard, it says a couple of things about him. Namely, “I am a liberal college professor,” or “I have given up.” It is the hygienic equivalent of wearing sweatpants on your face – all day long – in public. Whether he was channeling his inner Grizzly Adams, Joaquin Phoenix or Billy Gibbons, Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s appearance matched his demeanor as his beard sprouted forth. How you can drive with that thing suffocating you in the middle of a sticky August evening in Bristol, Tenn., is beyond me. Junior shaved off the scruff this year, threw his lid on backwards and finished the regular season second in points. As the Chase has started, he let his hunting beard grow in, and the performance has fallen off a bit. Time to once again spin that hat around — and pour out a few Budweisers for good measure.
by Vito Pugliese
2. Tim Richmond’s ’80s Greatness
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Tim Richmond was a microcosm of the 1980s. “Sophisticatedly Trashy” – a hint of mullet, acres of taco meat sprouting forth from his fire suit topped with a totally legitimate mustache. Not one of these new hipster-style ones, either; a straight up, I-am-growing-a-mustache-and-peeling-out-in-an-IROC-and-picking-up-a-ton-of-chicks mustache. Tim loved women and they loved him. I mean what’s not like — the guy lived on a boat and got trophies made of Miller High Life cans. If only our sport had more like him … long since gone but not soon forgotten.
by Vito Pugliese
1. Dale Earnhardt: “Iron Stache”
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You know why he was called “The Intimidator”? That’s right: Because you’d be crazy to piss off a guy with a mustache straight out of the OK Corral. Mix in the Gargoyles and the Man-In-Black persona, and you have a seven-time-championship-worthy marketing machine that was about five years ahead of the souvenir curve. Earnhardt had a rather nasty wreck at Talladega in 1997 that singed his mustache and then had to go scuba diving or something, so he shaved it (clue us in on that again, Mikey). Of course, he looked downright weird without it. So back it came with a vengeance just in time for his Daytona 500 win in 1998. The next collectible idea for Teresa: “Earnhardt Chia Pet: Mustache Edition.”