Who else but The Captain? After 15 Indianapolis 500 wins, a NASCAR Nationwide title, and currently in serious contention for a Cup title, it would be hard to deny a self-made billionaire who started out with a single Chevrolet dealership. He’s won in all makes, from a Taurus to a Matador, a Camaro and a Challenger, Chargers and Grand Prixs – and he came within a few hours of owning his own car company when GM was divesting itself of Saturn in 2009. Didn’t like Romney being derided for being a millionaire, you say? Well how about a legitimate billionaire? An added bonus: He hails from Ohio, a swing state everyone covets and worth its weight in sheet metal.

by Vito Pugliese
 

Who else would make a better veep than Mark Martin, the guy who has finished second place in Cup titles on five occasions? Many contend that he won the title in 1990 (much like former VP Al Gore still contends he won in 2000). The same could be said for the 2007 Daytona 500 when NASCAR’s rules changed coming out of Turn 4 on the final lap — although you’d never hear Martin complain about it publicly. His current part-time gig is tailor made for vice presidential duties, allowing him time to attend state funerals, photo ops and ribbon cuttings, as well as bridging the gap between young and old voters. Who else better to extol the virtues of both hard work and Gucci Mane to the electorate? Besides, if you really need to find him (unlike Dick Cheney) his undisclosed location will be pretty easy to find – the gym in his basement.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

The Chief of Staff sets the tone for the administration and directs the steps and actions of the day-to-day happenings within the White House. Chad Knaus is the obvious answer here. George W. Bush had Karl Rove as “The Architect” to his 2000 presidential campaign, while Jimmie Johnson had Knaus as his architect in five consecutive successful title runs from 2006-10. When Johnson backed it into the wall at Kansas a few weeks ago, it was Knaus who calmly surveyed the damage and directed his men on how to repair the No. 48 car. Could a mangled heap that was just shortened by two feet even make the minimum speed at the newly-repaved, downforce-dependent speedway? Naturally, he made it through with a ninth-place finish – just one spot behind rival Brad Keselowski.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

Yeah, I know. Kind of a cop out, but whatever. At least you get a nice picture out of it.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

The Press Secretary is the person responsible for going out in front of the public each day and making things seem better than they really are – or completely obfuscating any semblance of trouble, wrong-doing or dire consequence waiting around the corner. The “spin master in chief” must keep control of the story regardless of what may really be happening in plain sight, and the next time that Carl Edwards seems down and out or riddled with uncertainty will be the first. He’s the perfect driver for any sponsor, and after losing the 2011 championship on a tie-breaker and enduring a winless streak that in a couple of races will approach two years, Edwards could convince even the most skeptical voter that the cup isn’t just half full, it’s half as big as it should be — and he’d do it from the infield TV booth. Every weekend.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

No brainer. He is “The Mayor,” after all and may be destined for a career in politics once he ditches the firesuit. No matter how ridiculous a situation, if you ask Burton about it you’ll get a 10-minute explanation that begins with, “Well let’s take a look at it…” and at the end, you’ll wonder why there’s even a problem in the first place. If Secretary of State isn’t an option, perhaps Jedi Mind-Master is further down the chain of command. Heck, even when Jeff Gordon went after him at Texas a few years ago, he smoothed things over and they rode in the ambulance together. Originally recruited at one time to become the heir to Dale Earnhardt Sr. prior to his untimely passing, Burton is as positive a representative of the sport as one could ask for, making him the perfect man for the job.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

What other guy arrives to the track in a World War II P-51D Mustang and has an SR-71 model of his own tuner Mustang GT? He definitely would be no fan of foreign aggression, as demonstrated by his disdain of Toyota entering NASCAR, and most certainly has “This Aggression Will Not Stand” crocheted on a pillow in his hauler's heavily fortified rec room. Jack started out drag racing with the Tijuana Taxi, dominated IMSA and Trans-Am in the late 1980s and into the '90s, and started up one of the most successful modern NASCAR teams 1988. He bleeds red, white and Blue Oval, and his answers to even the most mundane and routine questions sounds suspiciously like those that would be voiced by former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. While Jack has had a couple of brushes with mortality the past decade with airplane crashes, he has no intention of grounding the fleet. He’s still at the track every weekend and signs his autographs with “U.S.A.” under his name. No questions as to where his loyalties lie.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

There would be no mother****g doubt at what time a g******ed vote or motion is taking place, because Kurt Busch would be the first one to tell you when that s*** was going down and how the f*** it was going to happen. Maybe Patricia would take the gavel out of his hand before he goes after the leader of the Senate with it. NASCAR’s walking sound bite would be second in succession to the presidency, leading him to question what dumb son of a b**** drew up that stupid plan, and why he isn’t first. F***!

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by ASP, Inc.
 

Ward Burton walked away from racing a few years ago and began to focus his energies on conservation and environmental efforts in his home state of Virginia. In 2005, he was appointed to the Virginia Board of Game and Inland Fisheries. Ward is an avid hunter and his Ward Burton Wildlife Foundation works to promote hunting, fishing, care and stewardship of forests and wetlands. Besides, where else are you going to find a guy willing to state that, “I wish I had something to have shot through the damn window” in an interview following getting wrecked by Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Bristol?

by Vito Pugliese
 

Obviously. Slightly overweight, formerly sponsored by McDonald’s, a ketchup maker, muffler shops, and tobacco companies, Spencer smokes cigars and has the best hair money can buy. Or glue. Either way, Spencer — much like New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie — is a picture of health and would be a voice of reason amongst the sea of insanity that permeates through Washington (or Charlotte). He never forgets, isn’t afraid to take a swing and routinely hands out stogies, straight jackets and sob chamois on Race Hub. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

by Vito Pugliese
Photo by SPEED
 

Jimmie Johnson’s fourth straight championship was arguably his most dominant performance; with three races left, he had a seemingly insurmountable 184-point edge over teammate Mark Martin under the old point system. But as Denny Hamlin should remember, entering this coming weekend after Martinsville’s mechanical monster, anything can and will happen. Johnson and Sam Hornish Jr. and got into it on lap 8, a three-wide choice turned into catastrophe when Johnson lost control, then spun off Turn 2. The man then known as “Three-Time” would run 38th, see Martin cut the deficit to 73 points and spend his post-race disgusted over what could have been the first opportunity ever to clinch the title pre-Homestead under the Chase format. What’s worse for the No. 48 group? Hornish never apologized, leaving hurt feelings that lasted months afterwards— even though J.J. still cruised to the title.

by Tom Bowles
 

Texas hasn’t been a track where late-race passes for the lead are the norm. But Carl Edwards, one of five Roush drivers in contention for the 2005 season title, made this fall edition one to remember. Leading 82 laps, Edwards jumped out in front until one last caution, for debris, sent him scurrying to pit road. That left Martin out front, but with new tires Cousin Carl was able to race down the No. 6, then blow by him on the top side to secure an easy victory and pull within 77 points of Tony Stewart for the championship. As for Mark? It was his last, best chance to secure a victory in the No. 6 Roush car; he would never win again in Cup driving the famed Ford he put on the map.

by Tom Bowles
 

Turns out everything’s bigger in Texas—even the wrecks. The start of the first ever Cup race at the 1.5-mile oval, the first in the Lone Star State since 1981, didn’t even make it half-a-lap before nearly half the field was all torn up. With the new track basically a one-groove speedway, everyone was desperate to cut to the inside, including Hall of Famer Darrell Waltrip, who thought his No. 17 was clear of Johnny Benson’s No. 30. The second their sheet metal tangled, Waltrip went spinning in an incident that left him knocked out of the race in dead last. In all, 13 cars were involved, though most made it back on track. Only Dale Earnhardt (from a lap back to sixth) was able to work his way back into contention. And for DW, it would be a “double whammy.” One year later, he’d be a centerpiece of another major multi-car wreck to start the 1998 event. In two races, he’d struggle to complete more than two laps as the first key to this racetrack was “survival.”

by Tom Bowles
 

We all know the only real way to listen to a race is in Dutch. That said, you want to know why NASCAR doesn’t race back to the caution? Because there’s a risk of incidents like this one. After a multi-car crash off Turn 4, cars were racing back to the line with one particular problem: Greg Sacks’ hobbled No. 20 was slowing considerably, anticipating the dangerous incident that had happened on the tri-oval ahead. In the meantime, Ernie Irvan was focused on passing leader Terry Labonte to get a lap back instead of the mess of shattered sheet metal ahead. He didn’t see Sacks slowing until it was far too late, slamming into the No. 20 like a speeding car plowing into a safety vehicle on the highway in a wreck that left the stands eerily quiet. Until 2003, when a similar near-disaster with Dale Jarrett occurred at New Hampshire, this incident became the poster child in trying to get the rules changed. Luckily both drivers were unhurt, although each was obviously done for the day.

by Tom Bowles
 

20:00 mark
Hard to believe it has been 15-plus years since Jeff Burton, now 45, etched his name in the NASCAR record books. During a Demolition Derby of an inaugural edition, the No. 99 team and crew chief Buddy Parrott hit on the setup down the stretch. Pushing their way to the front, they avoided a late-race incident when Todd Bodine spun in front, pulled away from the homestate Labonte brothers, then outlasted Dale Jarrett to win his first Cup race by 4.067 seconds. Added bonus in this video: Kim Burton debuts on the NASCAR scene as “That NASCAR wife,” capping her emotional speech with the words “this is all he’s ever wanted his whole life.” What a nice reminder that back in the day, winning Cup Series races for the first time actually meant something more than a nice paycheck and an extra Monday appearance for your sponsor.

by Tom Bowles
 

Who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks—or throw good uppercuts? Respected veterans Jeff Burton and Jeff Gordon got into it when the two were involved a vicious wreck exiting Turn 2. Each man had his version of the incident to tell, but with Burton at full speed, the drivers connected and Gordon took a vicious hit into the outside wall. It was surprising enough that these two wrecked, but what people didn’t expect was the duo—known more for their intellectual pursuits—trying to solve this puzzling incident with punches. The funniest part of the whole thing? NASCAR still made both men ride inside the same ambulance (of note: the two haven’t wrecked each other on the racetrack since).

by Tom Bowles
 

Way, way back, before the Most Popular Driver Awards, the concussions and the “overrated” comments, Dale Earnhardt Jr. was just a wide-eyed, introverted 25-year-old who loved computers, had a famous dad and was simply trying to make it in the wild world of the Cup Series. Big things were expected of the rookie, and some wondered if he could excel with a new team run by dad Dale Earnhardt Sr. But in just his 12th race at NASCAR’s highest level, Junior cashed in, leading a race-high 106 laps and virtually coasting to the checkers by 5.9 seconds in a performance that impressed everyone—even the old man. The tender moments between them, replayed all over the country, showcased how their relationship had progressed, back to an unbreakable bond after the elder Earnhardt was MIA at times during Junior’s childhood. Also not to be missed: a loving hug from Teresa Earnhardt, a sign of her love that’s eerie considering how badly their relationship would deteriorate in the coming years, following Senior’s death in 2001.

by Tom Bowles
 

At the time, it was a move that reeked of something unusual out of the 48 camp: Desperation. After several slow stops with crew consistently losing time to the No. 11 team and Denny Hamlin, crew chief Chad Knaus pulled something virtually unprecedented—he called in reinforcements. A team that, in some cases, had taken the car to four straight championships on the back of its tire-changing, fuel-pumping and chassis-adjusting knowledge was suddenly on the bench. In its place, at least for the rest of this race, was Jeff Gordon’s crew, which had been pulling off faster stops in the 24’s pit box, but in the end could never really do enough to put Johnson up front to catch Hamlin. The challenger went on to a dominating win in what seemed at the time a nail in Johnson’s coffin. Of course, Johnson, Knaus and the boys took advantage of the No. 11 team’s choke job one week later and sailed to Title No. 5.

by Tom Bowles
 

In six years of covering races live, there have been only two instances where I thought a driver was dead. One was during an ARCA Daytona event, when a stopped Patrick Sheltra was broadsided at full speed. This one was the other. The full clip shows you how normal a qualifying run can be, a driver progressing through his normal rhythm before a split-second mistake, as simple as one bad deceleration point, which can turn things into a possible tragedy. End over end, flip over flip, a succession of barrel rolls. Miraculously, Michael McDowell walked away, surviving in part through NASCAR’s substantial safety innovations. But his experience, limited that year in his progression through to the Cup level, was questioned for months afterward. The danger, perhaps, of what can happen as a rookie at the sport’s top level.

by Tom Bowles
 

Kasey Kahne’s rookie season was defined by two words: “near miss.” So many times, he had the No. 9 car in position to win only to be denied, sometimes by inches in the final laps. Texas was yet another example, as Jeff Gordon’s motor problem left Kahne in position to challenge Elliott Sadler for the victory. Sadler himself had not won since Bristol in 2001, and was desperate to score another for new employer Yates Racing. The problem? Kahne was clearly the faster car. Using the high line, he came off Turn 2 like a bullet, then appeared ready to jettison by through Turns 3 and 4 as Sadler was a sitting duck. But the lapped car of Johnny Sauter, which initially looked like it would hurt Sadler by not pulling out of the way, actually cost Kahne a shot. His insistence on running full speed, keeping the inside line, forced Sadler up and Kahne was unwilling to wreck either driver, unsure what to do and slowing up just enough he didn’t have enough momentum to make the pass down the tri-oval. Either way, it was the best Texas race for the victory we’ve seen. And based on NASCAR’s current intermediate package, not one we’ll get again anytime soon.

by Tom Bowles
 

This list is based on Cup, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t at least mention the one-year anniversary of the wreck that changed the career of Kyle Busch. After a three-wide incident put both he and Ron Hornaday in the wall, Busch’s anger got the best of him as the caution waved. While others slowed down, the No. 18 sped up, slammimg into the back of the No. 33 of Hornaday—a title contender in the Truck Series— and wrecked both in a move that conceivably cost his rival the big trophy while putting his own professionalism, and aggression, under the microscope. NASCAR’s response was swift and severe, parking Busch for the rest of the Texas weekend while sponsor M&M’s pulled out for the final three races of 2011. A tamer Kyle Busch has been seen ever since … and for good reason.

by Tom Bowles
 

It was a hard-fought effort at New Hampshire, a solid third-place finish for Davey Allison as he tried to right the ship in a disappointing 1993. One year removed from title contention, he hadn’t won since Richmond in March and sat fifth in points, a whopping 323 behind Dale Earnhardt roughly halfway through the season.

“Just wait until next year,” he said after not winning that Sunday. “Come back and try it again.”

The tragic reality? There would be no 1994 trip to the Magic Mile. In a cryptic interview, one in which he specifically went out of his way to mention the wife and kids this post-race chat, was the last time we ever heard from Allison in public. The next day, en route to a test session at Talladega, Allison crashed his helicopter while landing at the speedway, killing himself and seriously injuring longtime friend Red Farmer. It’s a tragic reminder of how fragile life can be in the racing world.

by Tom Bowles
 

On the same Sunday as Allison’s interview, Rusty Wallace took control of the first ever Cup event held at New Hampshire’s 1.058-mile oval. Starting 33rd, it didn’t take long for the No. 2 Miller car to rip its way through the field, taking the lead shortly after the halfway point and establishing itself as the fastest car. For a debut race, the finish was fairly tame at the speedway – Wallace took the lead on a pit stop during the final caution with 30 laps remaining and breezed to a 1.31-second victory over Mark Martin. It was part of a 10-win season for Rusty, perhaps Penske Racing’s finest effort, but DNFs would ultimately derail him in a quest for a second title over Dale Earnhardt. And as for the Magic Mile? It’s a good thing Rusty cashed in early; he never won again at the speedway, leading just 145 laps in 21 additional starts after starting off his Loudon career by pacing the field for 106 circuits.

by Tom Bowles
 

Tony Stewart and fuel at Loudon seem to mesh as well as Juan Pablo Montoya and jet dryers. Dominating the 1999 Jiffy Lube 300, the Cup Series rookie appeared to be headed towards his first victory, but out of nowhere the fuel tank ran dry with just over two laps remaining. That left Burton, who started 38th, to seize control and take a shocking victory to become the only driver in NASCAR history to win three straight spring/summer races in New Hampshire. Overall, the Magic Mile has treated Burton well; his four career victories there are the most for him at any facility on the Cup circuit. But the race was notable just as much for Stewart’s temperamental reaction — a sign of things to come — after coasting to pit road, he waved off the media and stormed out of the race track without comment. “I was so consumed with emotion,” he said later. “I just didn’t do the right thing.” It wouldn’t be the last time we’d see that in this Sprint Cup career.

by Tom Bowles; Photo by NHMS
 

Once upon a time, back when points didn’t consume drivers every minute of every race, they didn’t automatically tiptoe around championship contenders during the Chase. Robby Gordon, in 2004, was a prime example. During NASCAR’s first ever postseason event, at the height of drama and the unknown, he turned it into a “tete a tete” with Greg Biffle … other drivers be damned. After Biffle spun him out early, Gordon waited for an opportunity to hit the No. 16 back and piledrove him in Turn 1, igniting a multi-car wreck. Tony Stewart, then Jeremy Mayfield got involved as two Chasers saw their title dreams go up in smoke over someone else’s mess.

“I don’t know why they’re settling it on the race track,” said Mayfield after bringing his car behind the wall for repairs. “I guess they’re too scared to settle it outside the race track.”

Gordon got penalized two laps for starting the whole mess, but the die was cast: the reaction from Chasers seems to have started a trend where those not involved in the championship are extra careful not to interfere in the title race.

by Tom Bowles
 

One year removed from the “milk and cookies” meeting — the infamous Rick Hendrick/Chad Knaus/Jimmie Johnson powwow that ultimately saved their relationship — Johnson headed into the 2006 Chase with high hopes. Having lost the championship to Tony Stewart the year prior, the group was determined to push forward but bad timing on a chain reaction incident, early in this race at New Hampshire, pushed the No. 48 right into the wall. It would leave them ninth in points after the race, 139 behind leader Kevin Harvick and seemingly out of the hunt for another title.

“There are nine more,” Johnson said cryptically. “There's a lot of time left. Anything can happen.”

And it did. J.J. roared back from the deficit to take the first of five consecutive titles. Fuel for thought in Jeff Gordon’s camp this season, perhaps?

by Tom Bowles
 

For the rookie known as “Sliced Bread,” New Hampshire was doing a good job of trying to slice his car into tiny little pieces in the spring of 2009. Falling a lap down at one point, he actually caused the race’s ninth caution by spinning out on lap 184. But another incident a few laps later, involving the No. 82 of Scott Speed, earned Logano his lap back via the Lucky Dog – and an opportunity.

Crew chief Greg Zipadelli, knowing the car would start at the end of the longest line anyway, brought his driver in for an extra splash of fuel, knowing Mother Nature had some storm clouds on the horizon. Turns out a long green-flag run immediately unfolded, and when other drivers had to make their stops, the battered and bruised No. 20 Toyota could go just a bit longer than anyone else. Running conservatively, in part because the car was a mangled mess, Logano was in front by just a few seconds at the perfect time – when a raging downpour soaked the track and forced a yellow, red, then a checkered flag 27 laps early.

It was the most surprising way anyone expected the “best driver of his generation,” according to friend Mark Martin, to win a race. But what’s even more shocking? It took until Pocono, in June 2012 for this once-promising youngster to take race number two on the Cup level.

by Tom Bowles
 

Kurt Busch doesn’t like Jimmie Johnson. Jimmie Johnson doesn’t like Kurt Busch. So for the two of them to race together in the closing laps of New Hampshire in 2010, you knew something a little out of the ordinary was going to happen. Johnson clearly had the fastest car, but Busch had the best front bumper as he outright pushed the No. 48 car out of the way entering Turn 1. The defending Cup Series champ slipped, but never outright lost control, in a move that would prove to be Busch’s undoing. Losing about a second, Johnson quickly ran the No. 2 back down, produced payback with a little contact of his own, and scooted by for the win with about two laps remaining.

“I usually get caught up in it,” Johnson said after the race. “So I knew what my thought process was, ‘Wreck his ass.’”

Busch did hold on to finish third but the intimidation tactics didn’t really work; Johnson charged on to win the 2010 title over Denny Hamlin.

by Tom Bowles
 

It was a Twilight Zone race, a crisp and cold day where New Hampshire served as a substitute season finale for NASCAR. Postponed from the attacks of September 11, 2011, to after Thanksgiving this event was purely for show, as Jeff Gordon clinched the championship one race earlier at Atlanta. But that didn’t stop him from stomping the field in Loudon. In all, the No. 24 car led 257 of 300 laps, and was in its own time zone until a series of late cautions changed the outcome of the race.

Losing the lead to Sterling Marlin on pit road, Gordon was put in heavy traffic and forced to fight his way back to the front. In the process, Robby Gordon, who had put together a credible, top-5 performance, closed in on the back bumper of Gordon and made his presence known. The two tangled, with Jeff losing control – and his edge – while their sheet metal rub slid them into Mike Wallace and spun the No. 12 out.

Jeff was angry, and retaliated under yellow, but Robby was focused from that point on and sped to his first ever Cup Series victory.

“Everybody thought you couldn't make me mad. You can make me mad,” said Jeff afterwards. “It was a heck of a battle. It was between me and him anyway. I just wish it would have been done fair and square instead of just knocking a guy out of the way.”

by Tom Bowles
 

In August 1994, a wreck at Michigan left Ernie Irvan fighting for survival. The second tragedy in two years for Robert Yates Racing’s No. 28 Ford, you wondered what more could happen to an organization that was known as one of NASCAR’s classiest. But in a miraculous recovery that took over 14 months, Irvan bounced back and eventually returned to a racecar.

Competing full-time in 1996, he had run well at several tracks but Loudon was finally the place Irvan put it all together. Coasting to a five-second victory, bringing smiles to every crew member and race fan in the stands and taking the checkered flag made the miracle complete. In a “full circle” move, Irvan responded by doing a Polish Victory Lap, in honor of Alan Kulwicki and bringing to mind the late Davey Allison, who Irvan had replaced three years prior. It was also a sign of things to come for RYR, which saw its team finish 1-2 for the first time in history as the sport started towards the reality of multi-car programs continually on top of the charts.

by Tom Bowles