Short Hops: Jones-in' for jacks

YOU AIN’T HEAVY, YOU’RE MY CENTERFIELDER

In 1996, Andruw Jones was the youngest National League player in 31 years to hit a home run. “If anyone can do things that have never been done before, Andruw can.” said Braves manager Bobby Cox at the time. Well, being able to wrangle a two-year, $36 million contract despite being washed up at 30 — now there’s something that’s never been done before. Since his 30th birthday on April 23, 2007, Jones’ average is .211. Since becoming a Dodger on December 5, he’s batting .167, and is 0 for his last 30 with runners in scoring position. Now comes word he might need knee surgery.

So what’s up with him? His poundage, for starters. Earlier this year an L.A. Times columnist offered to compete with Jones in a friendly diet competition. Fourteen el-bees into the scribe’s weight loss, the no-less-blubbery outfielder turned malevolent last week, dissing both the writer (“I don’t care what you think.”) and the increasingly hostile Dodger fans (“You don’t play for the fans. The fans never played the game. They don’t know.”).

They do know, however, a wealthy, weighty wash-out when they see one.

JONES-IN’ FOR JACKS

Jones’ name is also among the most prominent on the current list of the Inexplicably Powerless. He’s hit just two home runs, as has Troy Glaus — who, through 2007, boasted the 10th-highest HR percentage of the 21st century. (An aside: According to Baseball Info Solutions, the Cardinals third baseman is batting .163 against pitchers with an ERA of 4.25 or lower, but .333 versus all others.)

Take a wild stab at which two players have the most at-bats this season while still remaining bomb-free. Hint: They’re both statuesque Twins. They would be Delmon Young and the 6-5, 220-pound Adonis masquerading as Joe Mauer.

If your a ‘roid conspiracist who feels the crackdown has users on the run, your circumstantial evidence extends to traditional mashers such as Victor Martinez (0 HRs), Michael Cuddyer (1), Jim Edmonds (1), Gary Sheffield (2), Geoff Jenkins (2), Brad Hawpe (3) and Carlos Beltran (3).

HIT AND RUN

Short Hops’ recurring installment of slapdash observation and imprudent opinion:

Johan Santana went 2 1/2 years between home runs allowed on an 0-2 pitch. Jason Giambi got him on Saturday.

At the end of the 2002 campaign, Barry Zito’s .734 winning percentage was the highest in modern history by a pitcher with 50 decisions. Now he’s the first Giant in modern history to open a season 0-8.

Hideki Okajima permitted only four of the 28 runners he inherited to score in 2007. This year, 11 of 14 have found their way home.

Curtis Granderson’s two-run homer against the Mariners on Tuesday ended his major league-record streak of 23 consecutive solos.

Hanley Ramirez is 1-for-15 with 10 strikeouts since inking his six-year/$70 million contract.

Umpires blew home run calls on back-to-back days recently. The drumbeat for instant replay is building. What would it hurt for disputed home runs, at least?

QUOTABLES

“You just wouldn’t understand. It would be very hard to explain. But there was an adjustment, yeah. It would be very hard to explain it...You wouldn’t understand. You just wouldn’t understand. It’s not a personal attack.” — Garret Anderson, asked by a writer what he did to emerge from his slump.